


Will Without Fear

by Pakhet



Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Dark Brotherhood Questline, Mostly Cannon Compliant, Murder, Torture, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pakhet/pseuds/Pakhet
Summary: Shalae Caemor thought that being a vampire would be the highlight of her life (never mind being an arch mage, why bother when you can't do necromancy). When Lucien Lachance happens to stop by Frostcrag spire with an offer, can she refuse? Is refusing even an option she'd like to entertain at this point?
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> non-canon vampire logistics within the Elder Scrolls franchise. It's a bit more like Witcher vampire mechanics, or how they are portrayed in B&W anyways
> 
> Please point out any formatting issues or spelling/grammar errors.
> 
> I may or may not fix this later or add a second chapter. We'll see.

Accidental murder is how it starts. 

I didn't mean to, but he encroached on my territory. I told them before. They seemed convinced. _Was he new?_ They knew the threats weren't idle. All other's before him made it out alive.

Grievously injured, but alive. If taken to the temple, they'd survive. 

This was the first to die by my hand. Woken by the old wards in the spire. By the time I had gotten to the main floor, the ice elemental had already started on the man. 

Hungry and tired from staying up for multiple days, lost in research, I lost control. 

By the time I dragged the man's body upstairs, he'd died. There was no point in sending him to one of the cities. 

He got thrown off the mountain. 

Someone must have asked after him. 

Someone must have found the body in the mountains. In the snow. _How did the Black Hand get wind of it? Why'd they think I'm a good candidate for an assassin?_ I suppose I'd get my answer in time. 

As I stand in front of a ruined house in Cheydinhal. _Centuries of studying magic in the guild, consequently getting thrown out for vampirism and a little too much fondness for necromancy, and this is where I end up? Where on this planet did I go wrong?_

___________

_The night after dumping the man's body I'd finally gotten to sleep. I come to consciousness via a voice._

_Dread sinks into my stomach._ The wards had failed.

_"You sleep rather soundly for a murderer. That's good. You'll need a clear conscience for what I'm about to propose."_

_I open my eyes to see a man in a black cloak. Vacant of smell, aside of that of human blood. His voice is smooth, low, and not at all comforting._

_I stay silent, letting some more of my vampiric traits manifest._

_"You prefer silence, then? As do I, my dear child."_

_A growl echoes in the space._

_The unknown man lets out a chuckle. "Is silence not the orchestration of death? The symphony of Sithis himself?"_

Oh. He's from the Brotherhood. 

_"I come to you now, as a speaker for the Dark Brotherhood. My name is Lucien Lachance, and my voice is the will of the Night Mother. She's been watching you. Observing as you kill, admiring as you end life without pity or remorse. The Night Mother is most pleased. That is why I stand here before you. I bear an offering. An opportunity. To join our rather unique family."_

_My words are two toned, the growl reverberating through them. "Is that why you sneaked through my wards? My guardians? For an offer?" Suddenly I am pressing Lachance against the stone walls of the tower. Fangs bared._

_"Is this a wise course of action, child?"_

_"I am no one's child! Least of all yours, Lucien Lachance. I am a mage first and foremost and a vampire second. Did you not think this was a possibility? I killed that man because he came into my territory without permission. So did you. Why shouldn't I do the same to you? I have no love for your Brotherhood."_

_"If you were going to kill me, I have no doubt I'd be dead already."_

_I snarl and push off of him._

_"Now please, listen carefully. On the Green Road to the north of Bravil lies the Inn of Ill Omen. There you will find a man named Rufio. Kill him and your initiation into the Dark Brotherhood will be complete. Do this and the next time you sleep in a location I deem safe. I will reveal myself once more, bearing the love of your new family."_

_"We'll see."_

_"Excellent. Now, please, accept this token from the Dark Brotherhood." Lachance motions to the side. "It is a virgin blade and thirsts for blood. May it serve your endeavors well. Now, I bid you farewell. I do hope we'll meet again soon."_

_I look to where he motioned. There is a dagger laying on the alchemy table. When I look back, he isn't anywhere to be seen._

_Inspecting the blade, I realize,_ I enchanted this moons ago. How odd for it to turn up in my hands again. I never expected to see it again. _The Blade of Woe._

________________________________

_I stand over Rufio's sleeping body a week later._

_A week. It took a week to decide._

_He is old. His blood would reflect that. Bitter. Tainted._

_I pull the Blade of Woe from my belt. The well cared for blade would be near silent to a human's ears as it slides from its sheath._

_On silent feet, I move towards Rufio. He continues to sleep. Not yet knowing his fate. I flip my grip on the blade and slice open his neck._

_Blood runs in rivulets onto the mattress. Rufio's face is panicked as he dies, hands grasping futility at the wound as he loses control of his bladder._

_The Blade of Woe seems to absorb the blood it was splattered with._

_Against my more present thoughts, I enjoy the kill._

______________________________

_When Lucien finds me next, I am sleeping high in a tree near Anvil._

_I wake to find his sitting on the branch in front of me, swinging his legs, rocking slightly with the movement._

_"So... the deed is done. How do I know this? You will find that the Dark Brotherhood knows many things. For you are now part of the family. The slaying of Rufio was the signing of a covenant The manner of execution, your signature. Rufio's blood, the ink."_

_"Would there still have been ink had I drained him?"_

_"Always... As a speaker for the Black Hand I directly oversee a particular group of family members. You will join that group, and fulfill any contracts given. You must now go to Cheydinhal, to the abandoned house near the eastern wall. Enter the basement, and attempt to open the Black Door. You will be asked a question. Answer thusly; 'Sanguine, my brother.' You will gain entrance to the sanctuary. Once inside, speak with Ocheeva. We must now take our leave of each other, you and I, for there is much work to be done. I'll be following... your progress. Welcome to the family."_

_____________________________

When I finally walk into the santuary, I see no one but a skeleton. 

_At this point in my life, I think I've seen everything by now. Why am I surprised that the guild of assassins has a skeletal guardian?_

I cast clairvoyance and follow it to a room off the side of a hall.

Dropping the spell, I knock. The door opens within seconds.

The argonian takes me in head to toe before smiling. "Greetings, sister, greetings! I am Ocheeva, mistress of this sanctuary. Lucien has told me all about you. I welcome you to the Dark Brotherhood. You stand now in our Sanctuary. May it serve as your new home, a place of comfort and security whenever the need may arise."

"I am free to return to my own homestead whenever I choose to, yes?"

She gives a deep nod. "I would not force you to stay here is you are not comfortable. When you are ready for work, go speak to Vicente Valtieri. He handles all assignments for new family members. But before you go, please accept this gift from your new family. A unique set of armor, lighter than normal leather, and black as the void. Now, I've kept you long enough. Vicente is waiting. You'll find him in his quarters down the hall and around the corner. Go now, my child, and may Sithis go with you."

Ocheeva pats my shoulder before going back into her room and softly closing the door.

The softly lit stone hall does indeed have a corner with a set of stairs. _How far below Cheydinhal is this? How far does this Sanctuary extend? I saw two more doors in the entry hall. And that covered at least the entire plot of land that the house sits on. Vicente Valtieri. It's been a long time since I've heard that name. I wonder if it's the same man. My sire._

The doors to his chamber are open already. 

His face lights up when he sees me."Shalae! My child! My warmest greetings! When Ocheeva told me we'd be gaining a family member and relayed what Lucien had told her, I dared not hope it was you." 

"Vicente. Still abstaining from blood, I see. I admit, without hearing from you for so long, I'd begun to think you'd died." I approach him and hug him. 

He chuckles. "What a ridiculous thought."

"Well, yes, I see that now." I loosen my arms and step back.

"So, you handle contracts now?"

"For new family members, yes. You fall into that category. I happen to have one open, if you'd like to get started right away? I don't remember you being one to delay."

"Sire, could it wait just for a day?"

He smiles warmly. "Of course. It's been quite a while, hasn't it?"

"Too long."

"Why don't you stay here for the night? You look like you could use it. I'll give you the assignment when we wake."

I fall asleep wrapped in the arms of my father. 

_______________________________

I arrive at the ship titled 'Marie Elena'. Gaston Tussaud has a price on his head. 

The ship is too guarded to simply walk onboard. I'll have to climb into one of the crates like Vicente suggested. 

~~~

Once on the ship a few hours later, I kick out a side of the crate once I'm certain people are out of this side of the ship. I am sure to place the side back to make an appearance of not being broken. _I might as well take any gold I come across. Not that I need it. But they wont be needing it either._ I start sneaking my way through the ship, my blade pulled. It's not long before I hear some pirates close enough to warrant concern. 

"I'm telling ya, lad, it's bad luck. A woman onboard a pirate vessel! Back in my day, it never would've happened..."

I hide in someones quarters as they continue talking, eventually making their way down the hall, away from me. _No unnecessary deaths_. After they pass, I exit the room and continue down the hall.

A ladder leading up takes me up to the captains cabin. He is sleeping when I walk in. 

Locking the door, I approach the bed. His scent permeates the room.

 _Oh. He's in his prime._ Hunger washed over me. I haven't fed since that man. Even so, that wasn't truly enough. 

Shrugging, I sheath the knife and cast a silence spell on the captain and bite into his neck. I drink deeply and almost finish him off. He struggles to free himself but grows weaker with every passing second.

When I've had enough, I pull off of his neck. I bite into his jugular and tear it. 

Spitting out what came away, I watch as blood drips down onto the bed. I stare for a moment and find myself surprised. 

_I am enjoying this. Why -- how am I enjoying this? Like father like daughter? No. Vicente isn't my birth father. He just turned me. My birth father abhorred violence. This is on me. I should not be enjoying this so much. I'm almost giddy with the fact that I just killed this man for coin. With nothing but my teeth. Would I even be able to stop at this point? If I left the Black Hand, could I abstain from more murder? Could I live satisfactorily? Is this new side of myself coming about because I got bored? I'm out of the mages guild. I'd finished my spire. Mastered every spell available and created ones that weren't. I was bored. This is exciting. I've never done this before. These people are wanted dead for a reason but how am I any better? Honestly Shalae, now isn't the time for morals._

Hearing footsteps approach the door, I quickly look for an out. _I so did not think this far ahead._

There's a door on the other side of the cabin. _Hopefully I can exit through there._

I pull on the door handles only to find it locked. I murmur the incantation to open a master lock, not taking chances in it being wrong and whip open the doors. A balcony. I dive into the water and swim underwater to the opposing shoreline, far from the ship. 

Once there I cast a teleportation spell that brings me to Frostcrag. There I can take a teleportation circle to Cheydinhal's mage guild and return to Vicente without issue. 

____________________

It's a few months until Vicente finds me with a new contract. By that time, I had been going back and forth between a few of my homesteads and the Sanctuary. When they were available, I was trained by the other members of the guild until I had met their expectations.

I had brought up my hesitation with Vicente by then as well. He offered this contract to see if I wished to continue. Not that I'd be able to leave the Dark Brotherhood alive, anyways. The gesture is nice enough.

Baenlin's home in Bruma is nice enough. From the outside at least.

Stage an accident. Avoid the sevant. Crawl space on the second floor somewhere. Kill him with the trophy that hangs there. 8pm and 11pm. It's past dark now, but that doesn't mean anything. I probably won't be able to enter through the front door. The servant, if he isn't away tending to his master, might be standing close by. Most nicer homes have cellers, don't they? 

Walking around the back of the house yields a set of bulkhead doors. I open them with a spell and slip through them, locking it behind me. I find the stairs leading to the main floor next and wait by them, listening for foot steps. 

Minutes pass and I hear nothing. Making sure it's unlocked before I try to open them, I press hand against the wood and mutter the necessary incantation. I wait for a few more minutes, then proceed through the door. 

The stairs lead to a darkened hallway. The rest of the house, from what I can see as I walk past the archway into the main room, is warmly lit and, while sparingly decorated, it has a nice enough look to it. Quietly walking up the stairs, almost on all fours, I come to the second story. Also warmly lit, I can barley see the fireplace, however, the mounted ram's head is clear as day. Easing closer, I can see Baenlin in the chair below. 

The crawlspace must be to my right somewhere then. It couldn't go through the chimney. Looking to the right, I can see a single bedroom. Walking in, it is sparcly decorated. Probably the servant's. On the other side of the room is a panel of wood with a handle. Carefully sliding it open, cringing with any noise it makes, I slip into the crawlspace and close the door behind me. It's small and dark. I let my eyes adjust so I can see.

At the end of the space, there are some fastening. Bowing wood nailed into beams being pulled on by rope. There is a good chance this would have broken eventually without any intervention... An accident indeed.

I palm a dagger and cut part of the rope. The trophy slips slightly and begins to pull more on the wood. I pull strands of the rope to fray it, then push where the wood holding the rope meets. To speed up the process. When I hear it begin to crack, I pull back my hand and punch the same spot. 

The wood breaks. The trophy falls. Cracks against the chair holding Baenlin.

I wait to hear his heart stop and, as quietly as I can manage, teleport myself back to Frostcrag and find myself in Cheydinhal. 

______________

"Sire, I fulfilled the last contract to the letter." 

"So you did, child. And what of your feelings"

I start pacing in front of Vicente. "I kill without hesitation, which is so unlike before. I told you I was growing bored with the state of my life. But if I wished for change, I don't think this is what I intended. I murder without hesitation, doubt only comes after the fact. Part of me enjoys this, the other is... appalled. How are you fine doing these things?"

"For one, I grew up very differently than you. I was taken in by vampires of Deepscorn Hollow when I was young. They didn't turn me, that didn't occur until I went on an expedition to Morrowind, even then, it wasn't purposeful. Deepscorn Hollow was a cult. Followers of Sithis. Their influence abolished what thoughts you are thinking now. For all my years, this is something I have not experienced."

I stop moving. Vicente motions to a chair next to him. I take a seat before speaking. "What am I supposed to do? You can't expect me to be able to leave alive."

"You said you enjoy this work. Why?" "I can't give you an answer to that. I don't have words. The only thing that came close was finishing some of the more harder spells I've created. Oddly enough, I haven't yet used a spell to kill anyone."

"When Lucien came to you, was that the first time you killed?" 

"No. I used to search the Ayleid ruins. I killed bandits and other creatures that dwelled there."

"Any innocents?"

I open my mouth to speak, but I pause, thinking. "No, I always avoided it."

"Why is that?"

"I-I don't know. I never had a desire. The one I did, it was a mistake. I lost control."

"And how did you feel then?"

"I was mostly worried about what I was going to do with the body."

"After that?"

"I busied myself with work. So I wouldn't think about it. What does recounting this have o do with anything?"

"Shalae, why did you kill him in the first place?"

A wash of anger settles in my chest. A growl echos in the room. "He entered without permission. I almost killed the Speaker too."

"But you didn't. Why is that?"

"There was no point. I had him pinned against the wall, I was ready to kill him but I let him go. He didn't even seem surprised by the action. If I had killed him, I think it would have only brought more trouble. I would have had the entire guild after me. I knew that then, I know it now. I didn't kill the Speaker because I felt that he should not die by my hand."

"Then by whose hand shall he perish?"

"Not mine. He might not die by anyone's hands, but with this line of work, that seems unlikely."

"Indeed it does. Are some of your thoughts eased?"

"We'll see."

________________

Two advancements in rank in quick succession, two notable contracts later and a handful of others, I had started looking forward to killing marks. I had begun to incorporate magic into the kills, which did help ease my hesitance. 

Vicente decided it was time for Ocheeva to give me contracts. 

~~~

Trying to track down Faelian was growing tedious. _Honestly. What kind of help is 'he lives somewhere in the Imperial City and enjoys long walks'? And having to be more cautious than I would usually be is tiresome. Adamus Phillida. His line of work is sure to get him killed. By one of the guild, most likely. Though, I suppose the sacrament could be done by someone else._ _The market district ought to have people in it, this time of day. I might as well pay Aurelinwae a visit while I'm here._

Walking into the _Mystic Emporium_ is a nice change from the streets of the Imperial City. 

"Aurelin, how are you? It's been ages."

"Lady Caemor! What a pleasant surprise! Is everything going well with the Spire?"

"Oh yes, it's splendid. Thank you again for the work you did on it. Haven't I told you before to drop the formalities? I actually came by for another reason. I'm looking for a mer named Faelian. I have something for him but he didn't deign to tell me where he was staying."

"Faelian? I know who he is, rather distasteful if you ask me. I believe he's living at the Tiber Septum Hotel. It's in the Talos Plaza."

"Really? I looked there but I didn't see him. But you are a goddess. Really. Thank you so much. Say, while I'm here, you think you could charge this dagger?"

~~~

"Augusta Calidia. It's been a while."

"Shalae Caemor. What an unpleasant surprise. What do you want?"

"Faelian. He requested something. I'm here to give it to him."

"He lives here with Atraena. What she sees in that man, I will never know. She pays for everything. She's quite wealthy, I believe. Faelian used to be wealthy too, and a gentleman. Until he took a fancy to..."

"To?"

"I don't know why I'm telling you this. He's rarely ever here."

"You're telling me because as much as you dislike my presence, you know I'm trustworthy."

"He's probably off looking for skooma. Or taking it. He comes back every night for a few hours. I swear that mer is going to end up dead if he continues like this."

"Would you be so kind as to give me access to his rooms? I'll be quick. I don't want to haul around this box all day."

She stares as me for a moment before sighing. "Very well. Five minutes, that's all you have. It's the first door on the right."

"That's all I need, darling."

Heading up the stairs to Faelian's room is simple. I put Atraena to sleep before she sees me and starts looking around the room. It is bare of papers _. Maybe I'll have to talk to Atraena after all._

I wake her and walk out of the room before reentering. 

"Hello, my name is Shalae Caemor. I have something for Faelian." I hold out my hand for a handshake.

She takes my hand and I let my vampire's seduction take hold of her. "Atraena. What do you have for Faelian?"

"He requisitioned a trinket from me. I think it was intended for you."

"Really? That's sweet of him. I thought he only cared for skooma. I don't mean to get emotional but I feel like I can trust you with this. I don't know what to do with him! All he seems to care about is skooma. He was a fine young man once but he's last all wealth and self-respect he had. I followed him a few times. He walks around the city looking for skooma and then he goes to Lorkmir's house for hours at a time. I think it's a deserted house in the Elven Garden's district. I haven't seen Lorkmir around in ages." She walks to the desk and sets down the box. The woman takes a deep breath, "thank you for listening. I just hope my sweet Faelian can clean himself up. I worry that this addiction might be the end of him."

"I'm sure he'll realize what's important, that you are important to him, in due time. Have a nice day. I hope you enjoy the gift." 

I go through the door that leads down into the lobby just as Augusta is starting to climb the stairs. 

"I told you, five minutes was all I needed."

~~~

Lorkmir's house is empty when I finally find it. The stench of death hangs in the air and makes me gag as I find out where it's coming from. Lorkmir's body lies in the basement. 

I tie an orange scented bandanna around the bottom half of my face and head to the ground floor to wait for my mark. I wait for nearly six hours before someone enters the house. "Faelian. I don't know how you can stand this smell. It's revolting."

"Hey... hey! How... what are... what are you... doing here? You're not my... not my friend. What... you know, what do you... want?"

"Oh you poor thing. Skooma has utterly destroyed you. I've come to send you off. I gave Atraena a gift, said it was from you. And now I'm going to slice your writst's open."

"You... you're kind of weird, you know that? But... that's okay! I... I like crazy people. I like crazy people... and skooma. Ssshhh!" the man starts manically laughing. 

"You would fit right in with Sheogorath's group, wouldn't you?" I take one of Faelian hands in mine, unsheathe Sufferthorn, and slice his wrist. I quickly do the same to the other. "I don't want to cause problems for Vicente... and the others. Why make it look like a murder when he could have killed himself." I grab a sharp knife from the kitchen and place it in his hand. "Albeit, this it a slow death and I do feel bad about this but the urge to not bring the legion down on my sire is overwhelming. I'm sorry. I can't just not kill you. I already took the contract."

Faelian falls to the floor.

"I'll leave an anonymous tip with the legion. Say I was worried you might harm yourself. And they'll find you, here on the floor, and think it was a suicide. They'll find your friend in the basement, and come to their own conclusions. Because you did kill him, didn't you? You got paranoid. I hear skooma does that to a person."

The blood starts to slow and his heart stutters. I stand and summon a familiar. I quickly write out a letter describing Faelians behavior and detailing my concern. I send the familiar off to find the nearest guardsman and begin to head back to Cheydinhal via Frostcrag Spire.

____________________

A month after poisoning a warlord, I attend a party. I truely began to take pleasure in this line of work during this particular contract. The guests were afraid and pointed fingers at eachother.

I revelled in their quarrelling. 

After I returned to the Sanctuary, Vicente took me hunting. He himself didn't drink and we only sought after animals in the surrounding forest but it was nice. Calm. 

~~~

_A contract sanctioned by the Black Hand. Adamus Phillida. I'd have thought one of the Speakers would do this._ I'm given an arrow to kill him with and a rough schedule. _I'm a mage. What am I supposed to do with a bow?_

For the night I remain in the sanctuary, coming up with a base plan to kill him when Adamus is taking his evening swim. 

~~~

I arrive in Leyawiin the next evening and rent a room at the _Three Sister's Inn_. I spend the day watching people as they pass by from a nearby roof.

Phillida enters the pond within the time frame that was given to me. I wait for about an hour before hopping down and walking in between two houses that border the pond. Slipping on Fin Gleam and casting a high level chameleon on myself, I slip into the pond, holding the Rose of Sithis in my hand. 

I wait a few minutes at the bottom of the pond before pulling Phillida under the water. He struggles until I manage to get a hold on him. Stabbing the arrow into his neck and then finding the finger with the ring, break the joint, and rip it from him.

I let his body float back up the surface of the water barely a minute later. 

Satisfied with the job I slip out of the water, recast the chameleon, dry myself off somewhat, and head back to the inn to grab my things and leave for the Imperial City. 

~~~

I arrive early that morning. Early enough that the guard captain should be sleeping. Sneaking into the Imperial Legions offices should not be as fun as it was.

Casting Chameleon and magically unlocking both the door and the desk near the center of the room is simple enough. 

I'm slowly sliding the desk drawer open when I hear shuffling upstairs. Rolling the finger into the just open enough drawer, I consider my options. 

Deciding to push the drawer closed with some telekinesis while I'm halfway out the doors sounds like the better of my ideas. When I hear the door open, I'm already at the door to the market district.

______________

When I get back to the sanctuary, everyone is in the living quarters drinking around the table. 

When Ocheeva spots me, she stands and hands me a mug. "Adamus Phillida is dead! We all felt our hearts swell with the Night Mother's love the moment the Imperial pig met his end. And leaving his severed finger as a warning to his successor! Well done! I've left your reward and bonus with your things."

They all give a heartfelt cheer when Ocheeva finishes speaking. 

Sharing tales of contracts and shenanigans within the Sanctuary settled a warm feeling in my chest. _This place is starting to feel like home. I feel welcome here. Like I belong. I haven't felt this way in ages. We truly are a family_.

__________________

Two months later Ocheeva calls me into her quarters. She hands me an envelope. "This letter arrived from a Dark Brotherhood courier. I recognize this type of parcel. It is addressed to you... from our dear Speaker. Open that when you leave me. Follow the instructions to the letter. It seems the Black Hand itself has a task for you."

A shiver runs up my spine. I stare at the letter in my hands. _It's been months. I haven't even seen him here at the Sanctuary. Why send me something now?_ Forcing words out of my mouth I say, "Thank you, Ocheeva. I'll go do that. Do you know if Vicente is in his room below or not?"

She glances at an hour glass. "I do believe he is out right now. The room should be free."

I give a bow and exit her room through the trap door. 

Once down there, I grab an old scarf of my sire's and wrap it around my neck, bringing it up over my nose. _Let's see what this says_. 

_Eliminator,_

_You have served the Dark Brotherhood well in the short time you have been with us._

_Indeed, the rate of your advancement has been quite remarkable._

_Now the Black Hand itself is in need of your abilities._

_You must proceed with all haste to my private refuge in the ruins of Fort Farragut,_

_located in the forest northeast of the Cheydinhal Sanctuary._

_When you arrive, we will discuss the nature of your special assignment._

_I cannot stress to you enough the importance of your swift arrival at Fort Farragut._

_There are unseen powers working to unravel the very fabric of the Dark Brotherhood._

_The Black Hand is counting on you to prevent this disaster. Do not share the contents_

_of this message to anyone in the sanctuary, including Ocheeva, and make no mention_

_of your journey to Fort Farragut!_

_Also be warned -- my refuge within Fort Farragut is guarded by denizens who will attack_

_any interloper within sight. Get through these rotting sentnels and you will surely have_

_earned the right to visist my private sanctum._

_Lucien Lachance_

Sitting on the stone bed, I set the letter on fire. Watching it burn, I rub my temples. _Wonderful. As much as I'd like to see Lucien, I have a bad feeling about this. There are plenty of others here that would be more suited to anything the Black Hand could throw at them. More dedicated. I suppose I shouldn't dally._

Standing, I pull out some paper and a quill from Vicente's desk and write: 

Vicente,

The Speaker has requested my presence. I am unsure of how long I'll be gone. I'm sorry, I can't tell you more, Sire. 

Shalae Caemor

P.S. I have also taken one of your scarves. I hope you don't mind.

I move the paper to the center of the desk and make my way out of the sanctuary. 

~~~

Finding Farragut is the easy part. I knew where is was to begin with. _Does he wan't me to get rid of the guardians? I find it hard to believe that he would walk through the entire thing every time he returns as well. It's built into the hills. Who know how far into them this goes. Most of these old forts have another entry elsewhere_.

I walk in a circle around the ruins. When I get to the back of one of the towers, there is a big hollowed out tree with a trap door in the floor. _Easy to find, though I would have overlooked it if I weren't searching for it_. 

When I get to the bottom of the ladder, Lucien Lachance is already standing there waiting for me. 

"Assassin. It pleases me you found this entrance so easily. We haven't spoken in some time but I am quite aware of your accomplishments within the Dark Brotherhood."

"So you said in the letter. What is this about, Speaker?" I walk towards the center of the room, looking out at the gate by the hall. 

"The Black Hand has learned that the Dark Brotherhood has been infiltrated. By whom, or for what purpose is unknown. We do know that there is a link between the Cheydinhal Sanctuary and the traitor. The traitor has tainted that place beyond repair. This traitor has been active for some time, longer than you have been in the family. That absolves you of suspicion." The Speaker slowly walks to stand next to me. He is staring intently. 

A nauseous dread settles in my stomach. "That is all well and good, but that only partially explains why I'm here." I turn to face him fully. 

"Listen well, child of Sithis. You have been chosen to preform the rite of purification. Everyone inside that sanctuary must die. You must break one of the tenets you have sworn to uphold." 

I take a step away from him as the words register. "You can't honestly expect me to be able to kill everyone. Why can't you do this? Or ask someone else, from one of the other Sanctuaries?"

"I know this is an unexpected turn of events, but drastic measures must be taken." 

My voice shakes as I speak. "No, Lucien, you don't understand. Vicente is my Sire. I may not be able to kill him." My muscles twitch, wanting to move, but I don't. I can't.

"Are you so bound by vampiric law?"

" _Vampiric law_? Neither of us could give a damn about them. I never had any ties and Vicente cut his eons ago. A bond between a vampire and their sire, if that individual was turned properly, is familial. It-- you can't break it, in most cases. You can't seriously harm each other. I don't have any words to describe what it is classified as. If you think that bonds that tie the individuals in the Sanctuary are strong, what I am speaking of, can not compare. Killing Vicente might just kill me too." I cross my arms and slide my claws into my skin to keep from doing anything I'd regret. 

"Are you refusing to serve the Black Hand?"

"No. Your a bastard, Lucien." I hold up a small stone. "This is a magical anchor. I don't want to walk all the way back here as Telaendril wanders. I'll be back in two days." Dropping the stone onto the floor, I quickly teleport to Frostcrag.

___________

The ice surrounding Frostcrag is a welcome change to the stifling air of Farragut. 

I sit in a snow bank for the better part of the day before going inside to get ready to return to Cheydinhal. 

~~~

When I enter the sanctuary through the well, everyone is sleeping. Is this a kindness? I have to cover my mouth with my hand as I enter the living quarters so as not to wake anyone. 

Antoinetta's bed is first. I slowly unsheathe the blade of woe and side it between her third and fourth rib, straight to her heart. I gently cover her mouth as Antionetta struggles against me before the life fades from her. 

I twitch and shudder as I remove the knife and move to Teinaava. Telaendril. Gogron. Mraaj-Dar. I feel myself breaking with each kill. I can't find it in myself to care.

I am sobbing against the pillar in the center of the room after the last one is dead. 

As I exit the quarters, a thought enters my head. I send a magical message through the anchor I left with Lachance. 

_How long am I absolved of the fifth tenet?_

His answer is swift. _Until I place it back upon you. No killing yourself, Caemor, I forbid it._

I let out a sigh of disappointment at his answer and slowly move towards Ocheeva's room. 

The Sanctuary mistress is awake when I walk in. "Ah, Assassin, Vicente told me you weren't sure how long you'd be gone. It's nice to see you back so soon."

I smile tightly. "The contract Lachance gave me is troubling to say the least."

"Whatever he tasked you with must be carried out without hesitation. and to the letter."

"I know. Forgive me." I dart forward and stab into her chest and guide Ocheeva to the floor. 

I wipe tears off my cheeks, retrieve my blade, and walk down to Vicente's chambers.

He is waiting for me when I enter. A silver dagger on the table in front of him. 

"You knew?"

"How could I not? Your despair is tangible. I knew something was happening, has been happening for a while. When I felt your grief, I knew you would be sent to preform the purification rite. You did not disappoint." He stands and envelopes me in a hug.

"You know I can't kill you."

"Yes. Which is why I'll be doing it for you."

I cry silently into his shoulder for what feels like hours. 

Eventually I step away, rubbing my face with my palms. 

"Shalae, you brought happiness to me at a time where I thought I never would. When I found you bleeding out in front of that ruin, I knew that was the only way to save you. And to my surprise you didn't hate me. Didn't despise what I'd turned you into. You grew into yourself and I grew with you. I thank you for all you gave. I've left you a gift in the chest. And please, help yourself to anything of mine you want." With that, he draped one of his blankets over me, takes up the dagger and pulls it into his heart. 

I fall to the floor when I feel the tether between us snap. I press my forehead into the floor and tightly wrap the blanket around myself. 

==

Hours later I look in the chest to find a vial of Vicente's blood. 

_____________

After climbing down the ladder to Lucien's hideout, I slide down a nearby wall and bring my knees up to my chest. I rest my arms atop them and watch Lucien grind some herbs with a mortar and pestle. 

"The deed is done then?"

"Clearly." I'm wearing my sire's clothing, soaking in his scent. 

"You still live."

" _I_ didn't kill Vicente. He killed himself." I rub at my chest. I close my eyes and whisper to myself. "It doesn't feel right. Empty. I could die right now. I wouldn't even try to defend myself if it came to it... How far I've fallen."

I hear Lucien set his supplies down and walk to stand in front of me.

When I look up at him, Lucien is holding his arm out, wrist up.

"What are you doing?"

"Drink."

I let out a dry laugh and turn my head into my knees. "As appealing as you smell, I respectfully decline. I don't need to consume blood to continue my existence. And right now, I don't want to do that either."

I hear shuffling of fabric before he speaks again, his voice closer than it was before. "they were my family too, Shalae. I take no pleasure in this."

"I'd be concerned if you did... While it wasn't an easy decision, I'm sure making it was easier than what I just did."

"I'd understand if you have a desire to kill me, if you despise me."

"I don't have a desire to do anything but go to sleep for a few centries. No. You're just trying to protect what's left. But I don't take any pleasure in this either."

"I'd be a little concerned if you did."

______________

I threw myself into killing the almost lich, Celedaen and the entire Draconis family. Perennia, Matthias, Andeas, Sibylla, and Caelia. In killing J'Ghasta and Shaleez, I was finally sorting myself out. I _knew_ how to function as an assassin. I _knew_ how magic works. 

What I didn't know, was how to deal with the fact that I'd killed--murdered-- my family. The regular nightmares brought on by the vampirism worsened. I barley slept. 

One thing I could take solace in were the contracts and the occasional glimpse of a dark robed figure as I walked through cities. 

~~~ 

I killed Aval Uvani by 'accidentally' serving him a mug of mead instead of the ale he'd asked for. Watching as he slowly choked to death was blissful.

Havilstein Hoar-Blood was a different matter. I'd met the man a few times before. He'd set up camp near my spire. Far enough away for him to not encroach on my territory, so I'd let him stay after warning him, on several occasions to come no closer as I was going about my business. He never stayed for long, but he always came back. Him and that dog. 

I knew what to expect when I left the Spire. I approached the edge of his camp with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow. 

"Its been awhile since I've seen you. I suppose you've got the usual warning down to the letter by now, don't you?"

The dog comes to sniff at me as he responds. 

"Good. Unfortunately, this time I've come about a different matter." I hold my hands out for the dog to paw at and cast absorb health when it does. It is dead within seconds. I reach into my satchel and throw the contract at Havilstein. "It seems someone has been naughty."

He picks up the page and scans it. "So you're the one. Who's your Speaker, sister?"

The spell I was preparing dies in my hands as he speaks. "Excuse me?"

"You must be new. There have been murders within the Brotherhood. Murders you have been committing. The Black Hand is looking for your Speaker."

 _No. This can't be. Lucien. Why is Lucien ordering me to kill members of the guild? It doesn't make any sense._ "I- this can't be happening again. I- help me, _please_ , brother. He didn't tell me how to find him. _I need to find him._ " 

"I have an idea. Everyone get a weapon upon recruitment. You have yours somewhere, yes? Good. You've mentioned that you're a master of the arcane. You're speaker was a previous owner of that weapon. Could you do something with that?"

Taking a few breaths to settle myself. "I think so. Gather anything of value to you here. I was supposed to have killed you. I'll bury this place in snow. Storms aren't that uncommon here. You can stay in Frostcrag Spire. Stay on the ground floor." I press an anchor stone into his hand. "Give this to the guardian when you enter and you'll be granted access. An imp will retrieve it from the guardian. And keep in mind, anyone else I send here is under my protection. If you harm said persons, in anyway, once I find out, you won't live to see the next sunrise."

"I understand. Sithis be with you." 

Once Havilstein walks off, I create a snowstorm that will bury the camp and the path leading to the Spire and I walk down the mountain. 

~~~

Once I set up a space for a ritual circle at the base of the mountain, a ways from the path, I sit in the center and, using the Blade of Woe as a focus, I center a scry onto Lucien Lachance.

_Lucien is sitting on a polished stone, holding the anchor stone I gave him between his fingers, glaring at it._

_Trying to focus on the surrounding area, I can make out a door with glowing blue stones in the background. The area around him is dark, aside from the lantern on the floor nearby._

_I continue to look at the door before realizing I recognize it_. 

I pull out of the scry to disperce the ritual circle. I focus on the anchor stone in Lucien's possession and appear in the space in front of him. 

Before he has much of a chance to react, I am pinning him against a nearby wall. "What the fuck, Lucien? I killed our family once for you, I wont knowingly do it again!"

"Release me! I didn't order you to kill them. You killed the lich and the Draconis family as ordered. After that your dead drops went unchecked, ignored, and you started systematically killing off the members of the Black Hand! Speakers and Silencers! All of them!"

I growl at him. " _Well, I know that now_. I almost killed Havilstein before he told me what was going on. I would have just killed him like the others but I knew him, so we spoke. Where were you when I missed the first drop? I didn't take short cuts this time around. I walked everywhere, I would have been found without issue!"

"I was busy avoiding the other Speakers. They know you're innocent, think you're following my orders. They believe I am the traitor! But the Brotherhood is all I have ever known. I have no reason to betray them! No want!"

I lean towards him and sniff his neck. I inhale deeply before shoving off of him and sharply exhaling and shaking my head to clear my nose. He is being honest and is frustrated, "Alright. It has to be one of the remaining Speakers. Everything has been happening within your Sanctuary. They have to be connected to you somehow." 

"The only Speaker left that was in the Cheydinhal Sanctuary is Matthew Belmont." Lachance takes a seat on one of the caskets. 

"Does he have cause to do this?"

"He's been in the Brotherhood since he was young."

"How did he join, Speaker?" I lean against a wall, further away from Lucien, so I don't smell the blood pumping through him. 

There is a frown on his face. "I brought him. I had a contract on his mother. He happened to be in the room when I beheaded her. I thought it best to take him with me."

"That'll do it. Don't feel guilty about this. The Brotherhood teaches restraint, control. How to deceive. We're all good at it. Whether he likes it or not, the Dark Brotherhood is a part of this man. I doubt he is entirely satisfied with his doings."

"You'll go to his private residence. I don't know exactly where it is in Anvil, so you'll have to do some digging. I'll go to Applewatch."

"No. I'm more than happy to go search Anvil but I'd feel better if you stayed at my residence. You know where it is, but do the others?"

He shakes his head. "The Listener only told me to look for you in the Jerall mountains. Usually if the Night Mother requests a recruit, there is a residence included but not yours."

"Good. Take my hand and we'll go there now. Lindai isn't safe. It's good you didn't go any deeper."

He remains seated. "You wont eat me will you?"

"I may be hungry but I already told you no. Honestly, are you looking for a new experience or do you just miss the bite of a vampire?"

I get a glare in answer.

"Look, I know... _Vicente_ got around, no judgement here, but I'll pass. I've got blood at the spire anyway. Now, are you ready to go?"

________________

When I got to Anvil, all I had to do was bribe the local peasant population. And the Lighthouse keeper. 

Walking into the basement of the lighthouse, I am appalled by the stench of rotting corpses. Human and animal alike. Continuing throughout the rooms, I eventually find a diary and a shrine.

The diary is filled with the ravings of a mad man throughout the years he's been a part of the guild. _What's with the colors? Green, blue, red, orange, yellow, black? It doesn't matter. This will resolve my Speaker of his crimes. Now to find the others_. 

I take the diary and the head back to the Spire to call the Speakers.

~~~

Lucien, who I'd given free reign over the Spire, mostly stuck to my garden. He instructed me how to call the Speakers together, through the Speakers amulets. Lucien had, thankfully, brought his along. I told them to head to the nearest mage guild hall, where I'd pick them up, as I could bring them to the traitor, Lucien Lachance, who was currently bound in my residence in the Jerall mountains. It didn't take long to get a response.

A female voice answered me, telling me to go to the Chorral mage hall, where she and the four other Speakers would be. I was to come unarmed. _What a ridiculous request. I'm a master wizard? I am always armed_. Nevertheless, I agreed. 

Before I left, I closed the wall that separated the main chamber from the door. 

~~~ 

Arriving back at Frostcrag with four passengers took a lot out of me. 

I open the wall. Havilstein and Lucien are standing behind the Atronach alter. I quickly bind Belmont to the hand chair near the door. 

The other Speakers prepare to attack me before I hold up my hands. "Wait! Before, you make any rash decisions, you all should see this. I know how this all looks and I deeply regret killing those I did in the Brotherhood without knowledge of who they were but my Speaker, Lucien Lachance, did not order me to do so. Matthew Belmont did. I found his diary. It's the ravings of a mad man. It states his plans to kill my Speaker. I kept the most recent of my dead drops as well, to match handwritng. My Speaker, Havilstein, and I will provide our own scripts if you deem it necessary. Please, view these documents. They are on the table to the left."

The Speakers mull over my accusation before agreeing to look at the papers. 

The few hours that they are debating Havilstein, Lucien, Matthew, and I are required to write out a few things written by one of the other Speakers, who also write out the same words. The Listener is consulted as well, but seeing as he wasn't here at the moment, and I was not comfortable leaving six assassins alone in my territory, the decision was ultimately left up the three Speakers. 

Lucien and I are currently on the alter platform. We are sitting atop it and I am leaning heavily on him, almost asleep, not having slept for nearly a week. 

"When this business is done with, no matter the outcome, you will sleep." He murmurs. Orders.

"When this is done, I might sleep for an age, as I after I got back from the rite."

"I--"

"--Don't. I already told you, I'm not angry. I understand why. I just... I saw my sire kill himself, so that I see this through. That isn't an easy thing to process."

__________

In the end, Lucien, Havilstein, and the other three Speakers had a blast carving Matthew up at the top of the Spire. 

Havilstein took Belmont's place as Speaker, Lucien was cleansed of any crimes, and the traitors soul belonged to Sithis. 

The Cheydinhal Sanctuary was rebuilt. A few members from Hammerfell were brought to oversee the new recruits and I remained a Silencer until Lucien died serving the Night Mother. As soon as a new Speaker was named, and that Speaker had a Silencer, I decided it was time to take the nap I'd promised myself. 

Finally downing the vial of Vicente's blood, I seal my Spire, and slip into unconsciousness.


	2. Not really a chapter




End file.
